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4 MIN READ
Couples Therapy Written by Michel Zamora
Couples with strong relationships tend to protect this one habit
Busy schedules, endless to-do lists, work pressures, parenting, household chores, and the general weight of daily life often leave couples running on empty. When every other demand takes center stage, it’s all too easy for routines to quietly shift toward tiredness, subtle distance, or feeling like you are just managing life alongside each other rather than truly living it together.
In all my years of talking with couples in the therapy room, as well as through what I have witnessed firsthand, I have noticed that partners with strong, enduring bonds share one quiet secret: intentionally creating time to share positive experiences together.
Evidence & Grounding Strategies
While it sounds straightforward, maintaining this habit in a demanding world requires clear, deliberate strategies. I don’t want to give you a rigid recipe. Instead, I want to share both the evidence behind why this works and three grounding strategies I use daily with my clients.
This practice isn’t just a nice idea, it is backed by science. A study from the University of Illinois by researchers Allen W. Barton and Brian G. Ogolsky explored what actually happens when couples practice “joint savoring” as a deliberate, shared activity.
They found that individuals who regularly engaged in joint savoring with their partners reported less conflict, greater relationship satisfaction, and far more confidence in their future together.
As the lead author, Larsen, beautifully noted: “Finding time—even just once a week—to slow down, be present with your partner, and talk about positive experiences in your relationship or focus on something you both enjoy can really benefit you as a couple.
Three Elements of Connection
1. Finding the Time
Think back to when you first started dating. Whether through spontaneous hangouts, long phone calls, or written notes, you intentionally created spaces where it was just the two of you. That focus built the foundation that made you fall in love.
While every couple’s dynamic is unique, this protected space is where you cultivate what no one else can offer your partner: deep acceptance, belonging, validation, and the feeling of being chosen. It can be as simple as sending a midday message expressing how proud you are of them. When your partner feels like a priority, the entire relationship becomes more resilient.
2. Bringing Intentionality
Intentionality begins with a conscious decision to lean in to accept your partner, show them how much they matter, and collaborate to make your time together meaningful. It means stepping away from autopilot and choosing to bring constructive energy into your relationship
3. Creating Constructive (positive) Expiriences
Positive experiences don’t have to be grand gestures; small physical and emotional connections work wonders on a neurobiological level:
The Science of Contact:
Research shows that physical connection, like a 20-second hug or a 6-second kiss—triggers the release of oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and dopamine (the reward chemical), while rapidly lowering cortisol (the primary stress hormone).
Grounding Through Tension
If a disagreement creeps in while trying to share a moment, pause right away. Take a deep breath, step into another room, or splash cool water on your face. You can also ask yourself a simple grounding question—just as one client shared with me that he does, asking himself: “Do I really want this to work?” Reflecting on what truly matters helps reset your nervous system using healthy, body-nourishing self-regulation, rather than resorting to substances like alcohol, smoking, or overeating to cope, which can ultimately harm your physical health and increase emotional distance.
In my practice
I work collaboratively with my clients to develop tailored lists of positive experiences that match their unique relationship needs.
To help you protect this time, here are four low-cost, accessible ways to share a positive experience:
- Indoor Cozy: Lay a blanket on the living room floor after hours, grab a warm tea, and spend 15 minutes looking through old photos from when you first met.
- Indoor Interactive: Playing favorite music and learning a simple dance routine together in the living room.
- Outdoor Relaxing: Step onto your porch, balcony, or back steps for 15 minutes at sunset to hold hands and take in the fresh air without discussing household chores.
- Outdoor Active: Take a quiet 20-minute evening stroll around the block without your phones, focusing entirely on walking side-by-side.
As I close most of my sessions, I wish you and your relationship all the best. You both deserve to experience closeness, warmth, and joy, even in the middle of a busy life. Give yourselves permission to try this and see how much lighter your connection can feel.
If you ever need a supportive space to navigate your unique journey, my door is open and I would be honored to support you.
You deserve a space where you feel heard, understood, and supported.
This content is educational and does not replace individualized psychotherapy or mental health care.
Copyright © Canadian Psychotherapy & Counselling Centre | Michel Zamora. All Rights Reserved
Let’s Connect
At the end of the day, finding a wellness routine that actually sticks is all about small, intentional steps. Which of these points resonated with you the most?
I’d love to hear how it goes! If you have any questions or just need someone to help keep you accountable, my inbox is always open.
You can email me at : michel@canadianpsychotherapycentre.com
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